I love teen dramas, teen comedies, so I decided to write one of my own. This episode it based on the pilot of Beverly Hills 90210.
Starring Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson as the Samson sisters, and more stars of the 90s.
Episode 1 – The Class of the 90s
Christina is sleeping face down on on her pillow. Her Whitney Houston alarm clock belts out:
Will Always Love…. You….ooeeooo.
Jessica runs into her bedroom and pulls out the plug.
Jessica: Christina wake up! It’s our first day of school and I have nothing to wear.
Christina: Why don’t you go and annoy Britney.
Jessica: She’s already up. I have nothing to wear. (walks out)
Christina: First day of school. Strange City, no house, no friends, I’m psyched. Oh, she’s gone, and yet I’m still talking, to myself.
Christina walks into Jessica’s room in her new clothes. Piles of outfits and shoes were on Jessica’s bed.
Christina: You have nothing to wear?
Jessica: Christina! Everybody looks like they stepped out of Nirvana music video.
Christina: No they don’t. Grunge stopped. Stop carring what other people wear.
Jessica: How do you manage to handle the first day of school as the new kid?
Christina: Easy. I’m beautiful and I am always right.
Jessica: I need the perfect outfit. Nobody knows me. I could be a nobody.
Christina and Jessica were eating breakfast while Bob Samson was packing their lunch.
Jessica: You don’t have to pack our lunch. We can eat from the cafeteria.
Mr. Samson: No. I can’t have you touching that food.
Britney walks in wearing a red cropped top, blue skirt, with cowboy boots. They all stare at her.
Jessica: You’re wearing those boots? No way.
Christina: You’re jealous because you think only you can pull them off. She’s right though Britney, You look like you’re about to step on a pile of horse shit. Let’s go dad!
Mr. Samson: Go back and put on a sweater honey.
Britney walked into Science class and wondered where she should shit. The door behind her was shoved
opened and in walked a blonde guy. Elijah Watts panicked.
Elijah: Um, hi! You can sit here.
Elijah: I can’t have him sit here. He’s a sophomore freshman. He steals my answers and then he gives me monster wedgies.
Britney: Ouch. What’s a sophomore freshman?
Elijah: It’s his second time as a ninth grader. (Smiles) I’m Elijah.
Christina and Jessica were walking with their new friend.
Dione: That’s Mr. Swimmer . He’s the hottest teacher in this school and he’s our science teacher.
Jessica: Great. I won’t have trouble flirting with him for good grades.
Dione: Slut, slut, slut, talks to himself.
Christina: Who are they?
Dione: They’re the most popular seniors at school. Don’t look at them. They’re going through some weird crazy shit at the moment.
Students were starring at the sky when Britney and Elijah walked down the stairs to the courtyard.
Britney: What are they all starring at?
They both looked. A jet was writing in the sky.
Britney: Potty at 25 Hills avenue.
Elijah: All right, a party. We are both going to be there. Our first party.
Britney: He’s still writing. No . . . fishman?
Elijah: Freshman. Man. (looks up) We’re still going.
Britney: We are?
In Jessica’s bedroom.
Jessica: Let’s tell dad to take us to the party.
Christina: No. He’ll never let us, and when we tell him he’ll be suspicious of everything we do.
Jessica: You’re so smart.
Christina: Yeah, yeah, shut up, I’m thinking. We’ll ask Dione to take us and tell dad we’re going to hang out with our friend. He can’t say no. He wants us to get use to this new place.
Outside the party house behind a bush.
Elijah: This is what we do. We’ll go to the back, climb the fence, jump into a tree, and climb down very slowly. Nobody will be focused on the shade of the tree. It should be pretty dark. It’s the perfect plan.
Jessica and Christina walked in with Dione.
Britney: Jess! Christina! Let’s go Elijah.
Elijah gets pulled inside the backyard.
Christina watched Jessica flirt with some guys. She walked off on her on. A boy sat on a bench by himself.
Christina: Hi. You look familiar. Do I know you?
Macaulay: You should. This is my party. This is my house!
Christina: I swear I’ve seen you before.
A boy stops by.
Boy1: Dude. You look familiar.
Macaulay: This is my party! This is my house! Doesn’t anyone know me?
Christina: Sure. You’re the host.
Boy1: Welcome to the party host dude.
Macaulay: This is my party!
Elijah and Britney were standing beside the pool. The guy pushed Elijah into the pool.
Sean William Sean: No freshmans!
Elijah: I’m drowning! Wait, no I’m fine. Help me up.
Britney pulls him out of the pool.
Britney, Elijah, Christina, and Jessica walked out of the party.
Jessica: This is the worst party ever. Nothing happened. It’s like this whole day was an introduction of the Samson sisters. Boring.
Christina: I predict it would only get– Dad!
Mr. Samson: Sorry kids. For lying you three will be grounded for two weeks.
Jessica: We’re so sorry.
Christina: We betrayed your trust. We just wanted to fit in. You know how hard it is for us as the new kids. We wanted people to like us. We wanted to have friends. (Mouth Quivers)
Mr. Samson: Girls, I want you to have friends, you should have told me the truth.
Jessica: This is will never happen again.
Britney: We love you daddy.
Mr. Samson: My poor girls. Okay, since it’s your first day of school, I’ll let you off this time. I know how tough peer pressure can be.
All: Thanks dad!
They all share a big loving hug.
I decided to finish it with a Fullhouse ending. Hope you enjoyed it.