The Little Mermaid vs Sleeping Beauty

The Little Mermaid was released in 1989 and it was the first film to begin the modern classic era of Disney (which I believe stopped with Mulan). I rented this movie from the local video store and at the end I felt as though my heart was being wrenched in my chest. At that time I had never seen such a romantic film. The fact that she had to try and get Prince Eric to fall in love with her when she was unable to speak looked like a lot of effort that it couldn’t be anything but true love!

For ten years I placed The Little Mermaid at the top of the Disney ladder as the greatest Disney animation of all time. I was (am) a sucker for romantic story-lines.

Ten years has passed and I find the story is ridiculous. Prince Eric had to fall for Little Mermaid solely on her superficial looks. In THREE DAYS. He really fell head over hills with the mysterious singing voice. The film seemed to rush ahead more than I remembered.

I guess I have a thing about princesses with beautiful singing voices because the other Disney movie that I fell in love with was Sleeping Beauty. Prince Philip, like Prince Eric was attracted to the mysterious singing voice in the forest. I like how they did not declare their love for one another during the dancing and singing scene as another film may have suggested. Nevertheless, they were very attracted to one another and there was definite chemistry between the two, at least as much chemistry as two drawn humans could be without it being too cheesy.

That is why I am comparing the two. I treasured both films as a child but as a adult I believe Sleeping Beauty wins for its music, artistic detail, innovative sound production, and characters.

Princesses:

Ariel is naive, immature and impulsive while Princess Aurora at the same age is elegant, classy, and graceful.

Villains:

Let’s face it. When compared to Maleficent, Ursala is like Santa Claus. She’s evil but she isn’t as scary as wicked Maleficent who still chills me to the bone.

Prince:

They’re both amazing. It’s a tie.

But I prefer Prince Phillip. Shhh.

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The Red Dot

I never noticed how little 90s tv shows are released on DVD. Maybe in America, but most aren’t popular enough to be released in Australia. Want to know what’s really popular? Seinfeld. Surprised?

Seinfeld is considered the best sit-com of all time. It’s not my personal favourite but I respect the concept and the creators so much, what I like is besides the point.

Jerry and George attend Elaine’s office party where she is talking to her co-worker/boyfriend. Elaine managers to grab George a job and Jerry places an alcholic drink next Elaine’s sober boyfriend which he chugs down. Now he’s going to “fall off the wagon”!

George should be so grateful to Elaine, and Jerry thinks so too as he wants George to get Elaine a thank you gift at ‘Nautica’. “Do I really have to buy her something?” says George. Why must you be so . . . so . . .

As usual the men argue over little things such as “who doesn’t like cashmere?” and does buying a friend a damaged cashmere (there’s a red dot somewhere) that is marked down from 600 to 80 dollars make you cheap? Would you? Yes I’m asking YOU reader.

Elaine is wondering whether her boyfriend is drinking again. Jerry suggest that if she can smell it then he’s drinking again. “You don’t always smell from a drink,” says Elaine. They ask loopy Kramer to drink and to test if he smells. He takes a sip of Hennigan’s and… nothing Here comes the multi-billion award winning commercial:

“Boy, that Hennigan goes down smooth and afterwards you don’t even smell. That’s right, folks. I just had three shots of Hennigan’s and I don’t even smell. Imagine, you can walk around all drunk all day. That’s Hennigan’s, no-smell, no-tell Scotch.”

Elaine is filled with joy at George’s early Christmas gift, but Kramer notices a red dot. Elaine asks Jerry does he see it and Jerry plays dumb in the worst way I have ever seen, that it even sends Kramer to sleep.

Elaine finds out from Jerry’s expression that George knew about the dot and bought it cause it was cheap but of course both accuse her of accusing them of such terrible things! More lies come out of George’s mouth. I love honesty. I don’t know what I’d do with a pal like George.

Elaine’s ex-boyfriend IS back on the wagon– I mean off! Damn you Jerry for confusing me. When you become an alcoholic after being sober for so long, it’s off the wagon, isn’t it?

George hands the gift to the cleaning woman he is having sex with, and she is delighted, until she notices the red dot. Cleaning woman comes clean to the boss. So long to George and his red dot cashmere sweater!

Happy Holidays Everybody!

Internet is for the Rich/Websites from the 90s

Before I begin, I have to apologize for not updating in what feels like ten years.

I was going through the old magazine shelf at a charity store and came across a 90s magazine. Score! It tells me what websites are running in the year 1997 in categories such as history, fashion, celebrity, etc. There happens to be a sealed ‘sex’ section but unfortunately the former owner tore it out of the magazine. What was the point of that? Lemme see the porno sites from the late 90s jerk!… I’m just kidding.

Not many households owned the internet, let alone broadband internet. I think we were lucky enough just to have dial up. An Australian internet company called Telstra Bigpond offered a “Power Plan” which provided 30 hours of internet access for $50 (AU). Additional hours were charged at $3.50. . I spend around 5 hours a day online which means I would have had to pay $470 a month.

Since this blog focuses so much on pop culture, it is only appropriate that I start off with the celebrity websites. As I go through these, I must warn you, the web addresses are ludicrous. If you are able to memorize and recite these back, dare I say you sound like a geek?

1. Cheech & Chong’s homepage: http://www.cheech.com – I do not know who they are and it doesn’t look like I will anytime soon because this site no longer exists.

2. Gillian Anerson: http://gpu3.srvu.ualberta.ca/-mlwalter/GAHP.html – This is what I was talking about, and yes it’s no longer online. This is too bad as the magazine gives the site a high rating; “Gorgeous design with enough info to fill your hard drive”.

3. Madonna on Letterman: http://ftp.mcs.net/mcsnet.users/barnhart/letterman/madonna-interview.txt – What a coincidence, Madonna was JUST on Letterman! “This site stands out because it gives you an everlasting celebrity moment in time: the night Madonna caused a fracas on the David Letterman show; she swore, she was toting a cigar, she talked about athlete’s foot and the host lost it. This is the kind of behaviour that separates the celeb wheat from the B-list chaff“. Damn. Is there a video of that on youtube or something?

4. Tarantino World: http://www.tarantino.com – Finally! A site that still exist… oh wait. I spoke too soon. This address name has been taken over from a real estate company in Texas called Tarantino. WTH. At least you get to see what the site used to look like:

tarantino1

tarantino2 tarantino3

5. Tim Allen: http://www2.awinc.com/users/refuge/tim/html – A 2 comes after ‘www’? I don’t remember seeing that before. This site was created by the fans of Home Improvement. Where did you guys go? Where have you moved to? This site even gave everyone his email address: Tim@morepower.com. I tried emailing him and of course it didn’t work. Morepower.com still works, and judging from the design, it looks like it has not been updated since the 90s. Go check it out.

This is getting depressing isn’t it? Well, I thought I’d give one more site a try…

6. Timothy Leary: http://www.leary.com – Hallelujah! It works! And it hasn’t been taken over by another business of some sort. Not much is happening …

I did not scan the look of Leary’s site but I promise I’ll do that and upload it by next week at the latest because you must see how it used to look. It is mesmerizing, literally.

If any of you readers happen to run these web sites or web pages, let me know. Are you still running a site? Have you moved it somewhere better?

Source: The Australian netDirectory, Issue 3 Summer 1997

Dinosaur Theme Park

 Jurassic Park (the film based on Michael Crichton’s novel of the same title) was released in 1993 and is one of Steven Spielberg’s most entertaining movies of all time. John Hammond wants to open a park filled with cloned dinosaurs, but must have a safety inspection first. Computer Architech Dennis Nedry (played by favourite 90s fatty actor Wayne Knight) gets bribed to steal dinosaur embryos to deliver to Hammond’s rival. Accordingly, Nedry shuts off the security system; allowing dangerous carnivorous dinosaurs to escape out of their cages. This is where the fun begins.

jurrasicpark

I was petrified when I watched this movie for the first time. The beginning was light and fun, even included a cartoon explaining the cloning of their dinosaurs. I didn’t understand a thing but it was still cute to watch. Once T-Rex came into the picture, it was time to hide under the covers.

jurassic1

I watched this again and the dinosaurs still looks real as they did the first time I saw it. So many films these days use computers to generate animals and other creatures but it ends up looking like a 3D animation. Examples are the two Chronicles of Narnia films. For some reason it works for Jurassic Park. The sound effects used in Jurassic Park are spectacular. The screech and growls of these dinosaurs are just scary. You MUST watch this with surround sound.

The scene that frightened me the most and still does a bit, is the scene in the kitchen. Tim and Lex (Hammond’s grand children are trying to get out of being dinner (or was it breakfast/lunch, who knows) to two hungry Velociraptors. Tim and Lex are only kids, so this is pretty much a nightmare come true for them. They’re only in a kitchen for Pete’s sake; there isn’t much space for you to run or hide.

kitchenkitchen2kitchen3kitchen4

[Excuse the poor quality]

My other favourite scene was when Tim, Lex and Alan Grant get up close and personal with a Brachiosaurus in a tree. The dinosaur sneezed all over Lex. Cute.

Backstreet Boys are not broken! They’re Unbreakable!

I know, I know, it’s been over a month since I posted anything! It’s not that I was busy, like my other excuse, I just had no idea what to talk about. Then there are so many things to talk about I don’t know where to start. I can’t ignore the Backstreet Boys (BSB) any longer. Instead of talking about their fame, I decided to compare their new songs to their old songs (that I’ve heard) from their first album . This meant I had to buy the album until I write anything.

bsb

First, the classics.
We’ve Got it Goin On – Their first music video and they’re dancing like weirdos. I really have no words about this song. Its not that great.
Anywhere For You, Get Down (You’re the One for Me) – They’re okay.
I’ll Never Break Your Heart – This song sounds really cheezy love song (well duh, its the 90s) but it’s actually really good. I would rate this song to be the second best from the album.
Quit Playing Game (With My Heart) – This should have been their first single because it’s so good. By far the best song on the album. Max Martin is a genius. This is a stupid question, but have you seen the film clip to this song? The boys are all wearing white polo shirts, its pouring rain, and they’re soaking up and acting sexy. Sell outs or one of their best music videos ever? I say the second one!
Boys Will Be Boys – Very early 90s beats made from keyboard. David Silver, did you create this track?
I Wanna By With You – Another Max Martin track and it sounds a whole lot like We’ve Got It Going On!
Everytime Time I Close My Eyes – Never heard it.
Darlin’ – This is the first time I’ve heard of this song but I feel like it really brings me back! This is how love songs use to sound . . . and it’s very pleasant. This is song is so romantic.
Let’s Have a Party – This only features Nick Carter. He sounds a lot like Aaron Carter, only better. This is purely innocent and fun. You might want to play this song at a party among people that enjoy the sounds of the 90s, and if you want a good party, you should.
Roll With It – Worse song on the album.
Nobody Like You – I can see D.J. Tanner rock out to this song. Is she a big fan on the show?

Backstreet Boys International was released in 1996. Over ten years later and they’re still going. Good for them. It means so much for a boy band to stick together. Brian (use to be called B-Rock), Nick, A.J., Howie, and Kevin have grown up into hansome looking men! Kevin has left the band to focus on his family life but he can come back and to the band whenever he wants, because he will always be a BSB. Hopefully you will come back soon, Kevin. I miss your deep soothing voice!

 break

Kevin is missing, Max Martin has not written any hits for the boys, but guess what, their new album Unbreakable is still terrific. I should know, I bought it, and I don’t regret it. My favourite songs are Helpless When She Smiles, One In A Million, Everything But Mine, Treat Me Right, and Unsuspecting Sunday Aftertoon which ties in with INTRO. JC Chasez, N*Sync band member, co-writes the song Treat Me Right and it’s soooooooo good. I’m glad to see that there are no hard feelings between the two. At least for JC. I can’t say the same thing about Justin Timberlake. What a joke he turned out to be. He thinks he’s so hot.

Nick Carter has grown mature and has left his wannabe gangster days behind. Thank god. He’s going to stop being what he’s not (hip hop artist – take some advice Justin!) and be the best at what he’s good at, a pop artist. I’m so happy for him. Long live pop music.

Please purchase their new album, Unbreakable. I am a loyal 90s fan. If you are a loyal 90s fan, or just a loyal Backstreet Boys fan, you wouldn’t be downloading this album, you will be buying the CD! Why wouldn’t you? It’s a great album. The released songs on this album aren’t as good as their old cd, but when you add all the quality of the songs together and compare it to the old one, this album is actually way better.

It’s Morphin Time!

I’m talking about the simple first season.  You know what I’m talking about. There’s a black one, a pink one, blue, yellow, and red. When did the green one join the group?

The first episode starts off with a mysterious dumpster on some strange planet. These two astronauts take off the lid of the dumpster out of curiosity and BOOM! Out pops Rita Repulsa and her alien-monster like army. After being trapped for ten thousand years, she’s ready to conquer Earth. Zordon, a floating head, realizes this and must stop her from destroying the planet. He says my favourite line out of the whole show.

Zordon: Teleport to us five overbearing and over-emotional humans.
Alpha 5: No, not that! Not… teenagers!

Alpha 5 is a weird robot but doesn’t move like a robot at all. He has wiggly arms that make him look like he’s trying to dance all the time, horribly.

Jason Lee Scott, Red Ranger

Billy Cranston, Blue Ranger

Kimberly Heart, Pink Ranger

Trini Kwan, Yellow Ranger (ahem)

Zack Taylor, Black Ranger (ahem)

 Please excuse me from the last two. Cough Cough. These were the first rangers gathered for Zordon to help fight against Zita. Jason is a martial arts master and teaches a karate class. Billy is one of his students. He is better with technology. Zack is a practical joker and a great dancer. Kimberly has gymnastic skills. Trini, I think she knows karate, or she just likes Tai Chi. I really don’t know what she was doing in the first episode. This show is really stereotypical. Actually, this show created the stereotypes type for me, since I was too young to know what stereotypes are.

 The five of them don’t want to bossed around by a floating head! They decide to walk away but they get attacked by skinny humans in grey tights! Okay, they’re trying to be aliens with martial arts skills. After getting their butts kicked, they morph into the Ranger outfits. How did they know how to do that? Once they are Power Rangers, they have super human strength and better fighting skills, not that Jason needs it. They seem to know how to do everything without being taught how. Or even testing their powers out. They master it in one go because Jason calls for Dinosaur power, they jump hundred of metres into their dinosaurs and morph into Megasaur Battle Mode. This is lame, but it is so coooool…. The rangers didn’t have any training or practise and yet they know how to do everything. But watching them morph, fight, transform, along with their theme song (I love the theme song) it’s soooo cooooooool. I was just in awe since I haven’t seen this show in ages.

This is the greatest children, that is non an animation, show of all time! Anybody else agree?

Go Go Power Rangers!

Highschool in the 90s

I love teen dramas, teen comedies, so I decided to write one of my own. This episode it based on the pilot of Beverly Hills 90210.

Starring Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson as the Samson sisters, and more stars of the 90s.

Episode 1 – The Class of the 90s

 

Christina is sleeping face down on on her pillow. Her Whitney Houston alarm clock belts out:
And I………..e…I…………
Will Always Love…. You….ooeeooo.
Jessica runs into her bedroom and pulls out the plug.
Jessica: Christina wake up! It’s our first day of school and I have nothing to wear.
Christina: Why don’t you go and annoy Britney.
Jessica: She’s already up. I have nothing to wear. (walks out)
Christina: First day of school. Strange City, no house, no friends, I’m psyched. Oh, she’s gone, and yet I’m still talking, to myself.

Christina walks into Jessica’s room in her new clothes. Piles of outfits and shoes were on Jessica’s bed.
Christina: You have nothing to wear?
Jessica: Christina! Everybody looks like they stepped out of Nirvana music video.
Christina: No they don’t. Grunge stopped. Stop carring what other people wear.
Jessica: How do you manage to handle the first day of school as the new kid?
Christina: Easy. I’m beautiful and I am always right.
Jessica: I need the perfect outfit. Nobody knows me. I could be a nobody.

Christina and Jessica were eating breakfast while Bob Samson  was packing their lunch.
Jessica: You don’t have to pack our lunch. We can eat from the cafeteria.
Mr. Samson: No. I can’t have you touching that food.
Britney walks in wearing a red cropped top, blue skirt, with cowboy boots. They all stare at her.
Britney: What?
Jessica: You’re wearing those boots? No way.
Christina: You’re jealous because you think only you can pull them off. She’s right though Britney, You look like you’re about to step on a pile of horse shit. Let’s go dad!
Mr. Samson: Go back and put on a sweater honey.

Britney walked into Science class and wondered where she should shit. The door behind her was shoved

opened and in walked a blonde  guy. Elijah Watts panicked.
Elijah: Um, hi! You can sit here.
Britney: Really?
Elijah: I can’t have him sit here. He’s a sophomore freshman. He steals my answers and then he gives me monster wedgies.
Britney: Ouch. What’s a sophomore freshman?
Elijah: It’s his second time as a ninth grader. (Smiles) I’m Elijah.
Britney: Britney.

Christina and Jessica were walking with their new friend.
Dione: That’s Mr. Swimmer . He’s the hottest teacher in this school and he’s our science teacher.
Jessica: Great. I won’t have trouble flirting with him for good grades.
Dione: Slut, slut, slut, talks to himself.
Christina: Who are they?


Dione: They’re the most popular seniors at school. Don’t look at them. They’re going through some weird crazy shit at the moment.
Jessica: Creepy…

Students were starring at the sky when Britney and Elijah walked down the stairs to the courtyard.
Britney: What are they all starring at?
They both looked. A jet was writing in the sky.
Britney: Potty at 25 Hills avenue.
Elijah: All right, a party. We are both going to be there. Our first party.
Britney: He’s still writing. No . . . fishman?
Elijah: Freshman. Man. (looks up) We’re still going.
Britney: We are?

In Jessica’s bedroom.
Jessica: Let’s tell dad to take us to the party.
Christina: No. He’ll never let us, and when we tell him he’ll be suspicious of everything we do.
Jessica: You’re so smart.
Christina: Yeah, yeah, shut up, I’m thinking. We’ll ask Dione to take us and tell dad we’re going to hang out with our friend. He can’t say no. He wants us to get use to this new place.

Outside the party house behind a bush.
Elijah: This is what we do. We’ll go to the back, climb the fence, jump into a tree, and climb down very slowly. Nobody will be focused on the shade of the tree. It should be pretty dark. It’s the perfect plan.
Jessica and Christina walked in with Dione.
Britney: Jess! Christina! Let’s go Elijah.
Elijah gets pulled inside the backyard.

Christina watched Jessica flirt with some guys. She walked off on her on. A boy  sat on a bench by himself.
Christina: Hi. You look familiar. Do I know you?
Macaulay: You should. This is my party. This is my house!
Christina: I swear I’ve seen you before.
A boy stops by.
Boy1: Dude. You look familiar.
Macaulay: This is my party! This is my house! Doesn’t anyone know me?
Christina: Sure. You’re the host.
Boy1: Welcome to the party host dude.
Macaulay: This is my party!

Elijah and Britney were standing beside the pool. The guy pushed Elijah into the pool.
Sean William Sean: No freshmans!
Everybody laughs.
Britney: Elijah!
Elijah: I’m drowning! Wait, no I’m fine. Help me up.
Britney pulls him out of the pool.

Britney, Elijah, Christina, and Jessica walked out of the party.
Jessica: This is the worst party ever. Nothing happened. It’s like this whole day was an introduction of the Samson sisters. Boring.
Christina: I predict it would only get– Dad!

At home.
Mr. Samson: Sorry kids. For lying you three will be grounded for two weeks.
Jessica: We’re so sorry.
Christina: We betrayed your trust. We just wanted to fit in. You know how hard it is for us as the new kids. We wanted people to like us. We wanted to have friends. (Mouth Quivers)
Mr. Samson: Girls, I want you to have friends, you should have told me the truth.
Jessica: This is will never happen again.
Britney: We love you daddy.
Mr. Samson: My poor girls. Okay, since it’s your first day of school, I’ll let you off this time. I know how tough peer pressure can be.
All: Thanks dad!
They all share a big loving hug.

The End

I decided to finish it with a Fullhouse ending. Hope you enjoyed it.